


Merry and Bright

by CabbageFlower



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, Bringing Up Baby, F/M, Jaime's Awkward Boner, mildly inappropriate behaviour, mistreatment of animals, screwball comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24571684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CabbageFlower/pseuds/CabbageFlower
Summary: Brienne is about to have the best week of her life - completing the Meraxes  Dragon skeleton in the museum and then marrying her fiancé, Hyle Hunt.  Her life is complete, she is happy and she doesn't have any secret longings for more romance and adventure at all.  If only that annoying Jaime Lannister would leave her alone.Based on the film "Bringing Up Baby"
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 27
Kudos: 57





	1. In the museum and on the golf course

**Author's Note:**

> This is very closely based on the film "Bringing Up Baby" which I recently rewatched and loved. I have however gender swapped the characters because I think it makes more sense that way. 
> 
> I have only recently returned to writing (one of the blessings of lockdown) so am pretty slow and can't commit to any update schedule. Apologies.

Brienne was in her favourite place in the world - the new Dragonbone Room at the Lannisport Zoological Museum. More specifically she was sat on the high platform, level with the spine of the Meraxes Dragon skeleton that she had spent a good part of four years painstakingly constructing in the empty gallery. Her doctorate had been a detailed, careful study of the microstructure of the amazingly strong, mineral rich but ultra light black bones of dragons. She had an aptitude for lab work and found it fascinating but she had hoped that afterwards she would be able to go into the field. But then the new post of Curator of Dragons had come up and Hyle had persuaded her to take it. She had been proud to create the new Dragon exhibition that she hoped might one day compete with the enormous beast in the Red Keep Museum that had first captured her attention on a school trip to Kings Landing and set her on her chosen career path. It had been hard at times, making her name known in the frankly male chauvinist world of dragon science but she had persisted and was lucky to have won this job - which, Hyle had said, was the job she had always dreamed of. Although there was more administration, more worrying about budgets and needing to smooze potential donors than had featured in her dreams. And, it turned out, no field and discovery work at all . But still - she was here with Merry (as she called the Dragon in her head). She reached out and with utmost care hovered her gloved hand so it was almost touching the skeleton and virtually stroked it.  
Just then Stannis Baratheon, the Director of the Museum, came in waving a telegram in his hand, followed by Hyle. “Good news, Brienne! the inter-costal clavicle will be here tomorrow. Just in time for the opening.” Brienne scrambled quickly down the ladder and snatched the paper from his hands eagerly. “Fantastic! And then Merry will be finished - I am so looking forward to adding the last piece. It will be the best thing I’ve done.” Hyle came up to her and put his arm around her waist. “Only the second best, I hope. Surely our wedding the day after will be the best. And I don’t see why the museum had to pay so much for one little bone. We could have left the replica in place.”  
“Oh no,” exclaimed Brienne. “Merry needs a proper clavicle - without it she wouldn’t be able to fly.” She realised what she had said and blushed deeply. “But of course our wedding will be the best day.” She leaned down her unscarred cheek towards him to kiss. Hyle had studied geology and paleontology with her at University which was where they met but he hadn’t been able to get the funding for a doctorate with his lower second degree. Instead he got an administrative job at the museum. But if only they could get funding then she hoped they could go on a field discovery trip together - maybe even to Qarth or one of the other major dragonbone excavation sites.  
As always Stannis was uncomfortable with even that very muted display of affection. “Never mind that you two. Brienne, you are supposed to be meeting Edmure Tully on the golf course in twenty minutes.” Brienne sighed. Edmure Tully was one of the potential donors she was supposed to smooze - or rather the lawyer of a potential donor. He was very dull, very cautious and very fond of golf. Brienne thought it might even be possible that he wasn’t particularly interested in dragons. But she knew that his client had a million gold dragons that she wanted to gift to a museum in Lannisport and Hyle told her that the zoological museum needed that money badly. She kissed her fiance chastely on his cheek and went to get ready.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It was a glorious day, thought Jaime Lannister, too good to spend indoors so he had been happy to accept Loras’ invitation to play a round of golf with him. He had forgotten how bloody difficult golf was now he didn’t have a fully functioning right hand and how much Loras always enjoyed beating him at anything. Arrogant little pup that he was. Just wait till he was nearly forty and had lost most of his fingers from one hand. Then they would see who was the better man. At least they were on the last hole. Loras had finished with a flourish and a hole in one and was ostentatiously waiting for Jaime while watching the young men playing on the next green over to the right. Jaime had screwed up his shot badly and the ball was now in the rough. Where was the stupid thing? Ah there! Loras wasn’t looking so Jaime nudged the ball into a better spot and prepared to play.  
Just then one of the fellows that had been playing on the nearby green to the left came running over. Loras had merely glanced at this pair - a portly middle aged type and a gangly youth with wild pale blond hair - before moving on. It was the very tall lad that was running over. “Excuse me sir, excuse me!” he exclaimed breathlessly. Jaime frowned at him to be quiet and took aim at the golf ball. He caught it badly and it travelled only a small way. Damn nerve damage! Mind you he had somehow lined up a much better shot. If only this weird chap would stop babbling at him. He turned to look and gawked in surprise. “Good god, you’re a woman!” The chap - or rather the wench - blushed a very deep red and took a deep breath. “I am, sir,” he or rather she said. “Women are allowed to play as guests. This is the modern age. I am a woman and that is my ball.”  
“Nonsense” said Jaime. “And you shouldn’t disturb a man when he is about to play. Basic manners - whether you are a man or a woman.”  
“Basic manners would also mean you shouldn’t play with a woman’s balls,” she said with great dignity. It was too much - Jaime burst out laughing.  
Her blush got even redder but she stood her ground. She really was very tall. Very ugly too - though he did notice she had pretty eyes.  
“I mean, sir,” she persisted, “that is my ball. Its a Dragonegg - which is the brand I always play with for - well sentimental reasons. Do you play with Dragoneggs?”  
Jaime shook his head. “I don’t really care what brand. They all do the same job.” He turned his back on her and took the shot. Thank god it went in. He went over and plucked the ball from the hole. Looking at it he noticed there was a black dragon logo printed on it - he couldn’t remember if it had been there before. And the wench did seem really quite upset about it. On impulse he went back to her and took her hand, opening her long white fingers so he could drop the ball in it. “But here - you can have this one with my compliments.”  
She stared at him in astonishment. Really very pretty eyes. He winked at her and walked over to Loras.  
“All done, old chap. And you beat the cripple - well done you! Hope you don’t mind if I am off now - no time for a drink.”  
Loras sped off in the direction of bar - waving at the handsomer of the two men on the next green as he did so.  
Jaime went over to the car park. He was about to get in his car when he caught sight of a gleaming black motorbike in the corner. It was a beauty - a Valyrian. Very like the one Jaime had used to have. He couldn’t resist going over to it, running his hands over its sleek contours, couldn’t resist getting on it - just for a moment, to sit astride the powerful machine again, just for a moment, to pretend it was his, he missed his bike so much, missed the power and speed, the risk and the control. He shut his eyes, grasped the handlebars, trying to pretend. But then he heard a wild cry and that enormous wench from the golf course was there again. She was really angry now, yelling at him to get off her bike. He opened his eyes and held up his hands apologetically. He knew that sitting on someone else’s bike was a bit much really. But he hadn’t meant any harm. And apologising never came easily to Jaime. “Calm down wench, I’m not going to take it. I should have known it was yours though - you look like the kind of woman who might like to ride a real wild beast, something big and strong between her legs.” Predictably that enraged her even more - she leant over and practically shoved him off the bike. She was bloody strong, he thought, watching her climb on the saddle. She glared at him one more time, putting on her helmet. Bloody long legs too, thick and muscled. She accelerated away from him as he stood in the car park watching her drive away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the film, the Jaime/Katherine Hepburn character accidentally steals Cary Grant's car. Cars were obviously much easier to steal in those days.  
> But I have read so very many brilliant fics where Jaime or Brienne rides a bike that this seemed the obvious choice.  
> As you can tell I know absolutely nothing about golf, motorbikes, museums or dinosaurs. Lets hope it doesn't matter too much.


	2. The Hotel Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne meet again in the hotel bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not reading fanfic during the beautiful time of the original JAB June though I have now read and enjoyed all those I can find. This particular scene in the film was a clear opportunity to write one of my own. Given how early it is in the film this could be a little bit inappropriate but I have done my best to make it okay.
> 
> Quizzical Quinia has written a much funnier version already The Plague Years but hers uses the physical comedy of the scene but not really the same story.

“More,” Jaime demanded. The barman hesitated. “Are you sure that’s a good idea, Sir? Don’t you think you have had enough?” “No,” insisted Jaime. “I’m fine. Just one more and I swear that will be it but I need another. It's harder than I thought.” The barman shook his head sadly. “Are you cutting me off?” Jaime asked indignantly. “Me. Your best customer. I can always go elsewhere.”

  
“And cause trouble elsewhere - that’s good for me” rejoined the barman but he was reaching under the bar. “Here you go, sir” he said confidentially “but this is absolutely your last.”  
“Thanks” muttered Jaime taking the packet of jumbo nuts and tearing it open. He had seen a man throwing nuts in the air and catching them in his mouth and he was determined to learn how to do it. But it was harder than he thought. The area around his barstool was littered with the sad debris of his previous attempts. He leaned to the left, twisting his torso to catch a nut. He succeeded but in doing so he knocked his hat off the side of the counter and it fell into the path of someone striding quickly into the bar. Someone who trod heavily on his beautiful new hat crushing it underfoot. “Hey” protested Jaime. “Why don’t you look where you are going?” “And why don’t you keep your stuff out of the way?” returned the newcomer crossly. Jaime retrieved his hat and drew himself up to his full height. Which turned out to be slightly less than that of the hatcrusher. Who turned out to be familiar. It took a only second to remember where he had seen her before. “The wench from the golf club!” It was indeed the woman he had met that afternoon.  
“Are you following me or something? I mean I’ve never seen you in here before - and I come here a lot, ask Bronn, that’s the barkeep. But suddenly you are everywhere - three times in one day. It can’t be a coincidence, wench. Not that I blame you - I am very handsome.” He winked at her. She had gone a most interesting shade of red - a deep dark almost Lannister crimson. It clashed foully with the atrocious dress she was wearing. What damn fool had chosen that for her? Jaime knew a thing or two about women’s clothes and that pink satin number was a disaster, completely the wrong kind of cut for her - tight on the shoulders but gaping at the chest. Looking again he saw it was cheap and last year’s fashion. It was probably her best dress he realised, kept carefully for special occasions and put on with effort. He almost felt sorry for her evident unease. Gods dammit he was getting soft in his old age. He didn’t like that so he went back on the attack again.  
“Still, since you are here” he continued, “you can keep me company. Lets hope you are not as boring as you are bad at golf - what were you doing there this afternoon anyway? You looked like you barely knew which end to hold the club. But I find myself at a loose end and since you have ruined my new hat you can buy me a drink. And we can talk about that bike - its far too good for you. I bet you never go above fifty - I’ll give you a good price and you can buy yourself a decent dress and some golf lessons.” HIs tongue was running away with him but it was having a most gratifying effect - the wench was getting angrier and angrier. He wondering for a brief electrifying moment if she was going to take a swipe at him and start a fight. But alas, although her eyes flashed and her fists clenched she managed to keep hold of her self control. She took one deep breath and hissed at him. “Leave me alone, Sir. I am here to meet someone.” She made to move past him and disaster struck. Somehow the flounced hem of the terrible pink dress got caught on the corner of his barstool and as she strode past him the skirt split right up the middle of the back.  
Underneath she was wearing big sensible white cotton knickers. They completely covered a magnificently muscled arse on the top of endless legs. Jaime knew that some men had a thing for granny pants but he had never seen the appeal before. Cersei would never wear such things - much of the time she didn’t seem to bother with underwear at all. Nonetheless he felt his cock stirring. He grabbed his hat to cover this odd reaction before realising there was an even greater need. The wench was walking through the busy hotel bar, looking for her mysterious date while completely unaware of her situation. Jaime might not be the nicest man in Westeros but he couldn’t leave an innocent maiden to her fate - especially not when he was partly to blame. He rushed after her and clapped his hat over her bottom. It practically bounced off her firm glutes and she whirled around to glare at him. “What are you doing?” she snarled. He reached behind her again with his hat. “Helping you,” he said. He stepped forward to push her back against the wall, bracing his arms either side to keep her there. She was just an inch or so taller than him and broad too and strong - if he wasn’t careful she would probably push him against a wall. “Keep still” he hissed at her. He leaned forward to say quietly “your dress shows your knickers.” As he did so he was aware of how tight his own underwear was becoming and shifted his hips back and slightly to one side. He had no idea what she would do to him if she noticed.  
“Oh for heaven’s sake” she snapped and pushed him away. Jaime leant his forehead against the cool plaster of the wall. He had tried, she wouldn’t listen and now he was just going to wait here a bit until things calmed down. The wench marched off but in only a couple of steps she seemed to realise something was wrong. She reached behind her, her hand blindly searching for her skirt. She found only a torn edge which she grabbed onto tightly. Suddenly she was next to him, her back against the wall. He turned his head to look at her. Her eyes were enormous. She looked completely panic-stricken. “My dress” she whimpered. “I told you,” he said.  
“I thought you meant something stupid like VPL. Not…” Her voice trailed off. “Whatever am I going to do?”  
Jaime wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or to herself. She seemed to be trying to shrink and dissolve into the wall behind her. All her lovely ferocity and anger gone. She was trying to hold the split sides of her skirt together behind but this just dragged down the neckline at the front. Jaime hastily averted his eyes. He had to help her. “I’ve an idea,” he said.  
It wasn’t that far to the door of the bar. About twenty steps maybe. He pulled the wench in front of him and stood behind her. If they stayed close like this he thought that her bottom and thighs would be mostly hidden so her modesty if not his dignity would be preserved. She had clearly got the idea because she straightened her spine and took a deep breath. At this slight motion of her hips, he hardened even more. She was bound to feel it, the blind nudging of his stupid cock that somehow didn’t seem to realise that she was the ugliest woman in the whole of Lannisport. Hurriedly he pushed his hat between their bodies. It would be completely ruined but that was still better than the alternative - his humiliation and her indignation. “Okay” he mumbled in her ear. “Move.”  
And they lurched off moving in an awkward shuffling lockstep that made everyone turn to look at them. As they fell into rhythm they moved faster and faster until at the doorway they broke apart and ran across the empty lobby.  
“Did you come on the bike?” he gasped. She shook her head. “Taxi.”  
“My car’s over there.” He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards it, fumbling for his keys. “I’ll give you a lift. My name’s Jaime, by the way.”


	3. The Siege of Riverrun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Further adventures after the incident at the hotel bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very silly with questionable humour (and taste in garden ornaments.)  
> But at least it is quite short.

Brienne was dreaming of flying. This was her favourite kind of dream - sometimes she dreamt of riding on a dragon’s back high above great plains and mountains. Other times she dreamt she was the dragon and launched herself into flight from a rocky crag feeling the powerful beat of her wings. In these dreams she was happy and free and strong. Sadly they were less and less frequent now. Lately she only seemed to have anxious fretful boring dreams about budgets and meetings and memoranda. Once she had actually dreamt she was trapped inside an excel spreadsheet. “That’s why they are called cells,” she had thought when she woke.

But last night she had dreamt of flying. Perhaps because it had been such an odd day. First there was the good news about the inter-costal clavicle, then that terrible thing with Edmure Tully who had been very irritable with her and told her that he didn’t want to waste a good afternoon’s golf with her losing her balls and getting into arguments and blathering all the time about dragons. Hyle hadn’t been as sympathetic about this as she had hoped either. She didn’t think he fully realised how difficult it was for her sometimes - not only a woman and a scientist but such a large and awkward one and so horribly shy. Anyway Hyle had ordered her to meet Edmure Tully for a drink in the Lannisport Hotel Bar and she had dutifully put on her fanciest dress and tried to do that. But then that even more terrible thing had happened and she hadn’t seen Tully which was probably for the best. Instead the most infuriating man she had ever met had been there and had helped her and been surprisingly kind, lending her a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt from the back of his very expensive but messy car. Once she had put them on she ripped the loathsome pink skirt right off and felt comfortable again. She turned to offer her rescuer sincere thanks only to find him looking at her with an odd expression.

“So what do you want to do about your date?” he asked. She hurried to explain about Edmure Tully and how important it was for the museum that she made a good impression, her voice dropping into shame as she realised how badly she had failed. Jaime however insisted that he knew where Tully lived and would drive her there. They drove for a long time around the outskirts of Lannisport before arriving at a plush estate with huge houses set in landscaped gardens. Jaime had talked the whole time, a river of nonsense and sarcasm and scathing comments about the poor taste of the house owners that should have been very irritating (and to be fair was at first) but after a while became quite soothing. Brienne had sat in the very comfortable leather passenger seat and felt herself relax a little, gazing out of the window at the houses of the rich. Until she was sure they had driven past the same house - one with red and blue shutters and moulded stucco trouts around the windows at least three times.

“Good lord,” said Jaime when she pointed it out. “That’s Tully’s house - I knew it was near here.” He practically jumped out of the car and went striding across the lawn. Brienne had assumed that they would ring the front door bell but apparently not. “Edmure goes to bed early like the dull old stick he is” he told her “and he’s pretty deaf. But his uncle isn’t and old Brynden has the devil of a temper and doesn’t like me much. I know where Edmure sleeps - what we’ll do is wake him up by throwing gravel at his window.” He paused. There was a miniature stream in the way - forming a kind of moat around the house. Taking a bit of a run up Jaime leapt over it landing softly on the other side. He whistled as Brienne did the same. “Good girl,” he said approvingly. “Nice to see you know how to use those long legs. Now mind out for grumpkins.” She looked where he was pointing. The lawn was adorned with many, many plaster-of-pentos grumpkins. Little groups of them all over, sitting under enormous mushrooms, holding bunches of flowers, fishing in the stream. “Ridiculous aren’t they?” said Jaime with a smile. “To be fair, I don’t think either Edmure or Brynden like them much either. They belong to some crazy hippy sister. I don’t think she lives here anymore but they won’t get rid of them because of family loyalty. Or something. Now which is Edmure’s window? Ah - there.”

He bent down and scooped up a handful of gravel which he hurled at the house. Some of it fell short but some of it landed on the window pane. “It's supposed to sound like rain,” said Jaime, “So it doesn’t wake anyone up.” “Don’t we want to wake him up?” said Brienne. “Oh yes” said Jaime. “Good point. We need something bigger.” He looked around.

“How about this?” he said triumphantly. He was holding up a particularly kitsch plaster-of-pentos figure. Brienne looked at it dubiously. “Is that meant to be a baby grumpkin?” she said. “You can’t throw a baby at Edmure Tully’s window.” Jaime looked embarrassed. “No. Maybe not.”

In the end he had found a largish pebble and launched it at the window with a good strong overarm throw like a trebuchet and they heard the sound of glass breaking and a startled yelp from inside the room. “You know, wench,” said Jaime. “I’m not sure that this is actually going to help you make a good impression on Edmure. I think we should leave before he catches us.”

And then they were running back across the lawn together, bounding across the stream and back in the car where Jaime laughed and laughed while she shouted at him about how rash and foolish they had been and how someone could have been hurt and how the museum would never get the money now. And when she ran out of breath and things to shout he had just smiled sweetly at her. “Don’t worry wench” he said. “I’ll think of something.” And she was so tired and bewildered she just let him drive her home.

And when she finally got to bed she fell instantly asleep and dreamt of dragons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So did I name this character Edmure Tully just so I could make a silly, laboured and in questionable taste joke about trebucheting a baby? Maybe. So what?


	4. Introducing Bright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we meet Bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no actual physical cruelty to animals in this fic. But there are wild animals behaving and being treated in some pretty unnatural ways. So if the idea of circuses or zoos upset you a lot then you maybe want to give this a miss.

The next morning Brienne was reading a fascinating article in the New Journal of Dragon Science when her office desk phone rang. Absent-mindedly she answered it.

“Good morning, Lannisport Zoological Museum Dragons Department. Brienne Tarth speaking.”

“Oh thank the Gods” came Jaime’s voice from the other end. “You have got to come quick wench. I need you. It's a zoological emergency!”

“A what?” 

“A zoological emergency! You have to help me. There’s a lion in my hotel room.” 

Although she had only known him one day Brienne had begun to recognise the feeling of bewildered, fascinated exasperation inspired by her encounters with this man. 

“You should phone the zoological gardens then. I don’t know anything about lions.”

“Gardens, museums, what is the difference? You gave me your business card. It has a picture of a lion and says you are a Collection Specialist. I need you to come here and collect this lion.” 

“That is not what “Collection Specialist” means, Jaime. And the lion is just the Lannisport City crest,” she began to explain patiently - only to be startled by a tremendous crashing noise at the other end of the phone line. And was that a low roar in the background?

“WENCH! There is no time to argue!! I need your help!!! Just come quickly!!!!” There was more crashing and growling and then the line went dead.

Brienne ran out of the museum almost knocking over the postman as she did so. He thrust a brown paper package at her. “This is for you. You need to sign!” Brienne grabbed the package without stopping and shoved it into her bag, still running out of the grounds while the postman continued to call after her, asking for her signature. 

When she got to Jaime’s fancy serviced apartment block at the posh end of Lannisport High Street she took the stairs two at a time. Obviously he had the top floor flat. When she reached the fifth floor she could hear him singing but everything seemed to be calm. She knocked on the door. 

“Come in, it's not locked.” Jaime was sitting at a small table eating breakfast, looking serene and quite composed. There was a lot of broken china on the floor and a large open cage in one corner of the room but no obvious sign of a lion. Brienne entered cautiously, keeping an anxious eye for a hidden predator. She pulled back the floor length red brocade curtains at the window and ducked down to look under the crimson velvet couch. 

“Wench - what are you doing?” 

“You said there was a lion.” She whispered. 

“Oh, yes,” he said, quite unconcernedly. “She’s in the bathroom.”

“Jaime! You interrupted me at work and said there was an emergency. I was really worried. I thought you were in danger - I ran all the way here.”

His face lit up. “You were worried for me? That’s good to know. Actually I was in danger - most grievously wounded. Look what she did to my hand.” He held out his right hand.

Brienne saw with shock that his little finger and ring finger were missing. She gasped in horror then glancing up at his face saw he was trying to hide a smile. Looking again at his outstretched hand she noticed that the skin was healed over with neat surgical scars. Concern was immediately succeeded by anger. “How dare you worry me like that! I can see it's an old injury. I don’t suppose there is a lion either.”

Jaime looked contrite. “Sorry - I was just teasing. But oh yes there is a lion.” He strode over to a door in the corner of the room and opened it with a flourish. Inside was a most luxurious looking bathroom with a marble bath, a rainfall shower and a young lioness cub stretched out on the black and white tiled floor. She lifted her head when she heard the door and yawned. Brienne could smell her meaty breath. “I think she likes the underfloor heating” explained Jaime. “She’s been lovely and peaceful since I got her in there.” He shut the door again.

Brienne sank down onto the red velvet sofa. She noticed that the fabric was quite badly ripped on one side. “You have a lion in your bathroom” she whispered faintly.

“I know wench,” said Jaime. “I’ve been telling you.”

Brienne just stared at him. Thousands of questions pressed to be asked but she doubted that any answer she received from Jaime would make any better sense of it. 

“Can I have some tea?” she asked. 

“Of course,” he said and poured her a cup. While she drank it, Jaime sat back down at the breakfast table and drank his own tea. 

“My uncle Gerion is an explorer and big game hunter. He has been out in the wilds of Valyria for ages and last year my brother Tyrion went to join him. They found this lioness as a cub - alone, abandoned by her pride or maybe orphaned. Anyway Tyrion made a bit of a pet of her and she is quite tame. Her name is Brightroar - or Bright for short. Now though they are going off somewhere where they can’t take her and Tyrion says he couldn’t just turn her off into the wild again so he is sending her to my Aunt Genna.”

“Genna?”

“Genna Lannister-Frey. The very woman you have been trying to charm through the dubious means of playing golf with Edmure Tully. Which would not work at all by the way. Genna can’t stand Edmure. She only had him as her lawyer to annoy my uncle Emmon because he and Edmure were partners or rivals or something. The only man Genna ever listened to was my father and he is dead along with poor Uncle Em so Genna does what she damn well pleases with her money. If you help me bring her this lion then maybe she will be pleased to give some of it to your museum. I can’t promise but either way it's worth a try, it would be a great help to me and it will be fun.”

Brienne put down her teacup. “I can’t just leave the museum and go running about the countryside with you and a lion cub. I have an important job and this week is going to be very busy. There’s the Meraxes to complete and then I am getting married on Friday and after that I have to make sure the exhibition runs smoothly.”

“You’re getting married?” interrupted Jaime in a horrified tone. “What on earth for? Who to? What the devil are you thinking of?” 

“Why shouldn’t I get married?” Brienne felt tears prickling at her eyes. Although he was very strange and rude and did ridiculous things, Jaime had been kind to her and she had thought he might be a decent person. But here he was making fun of her - like every man she had ever met. “I have every right to get married and you have no right to mock me. Good luck with your lion. I am going back to my work.”

She got up and left with as much dignity as she could. As she started walking down the stairs she ignored the faint cry of “Wench, wait! I didn’t mean it like that!” 

On her way back up Lannisport High Street Brienne held her head high and concentrated hard on not crying. She listing all the bones in a dragon’s spine as she usually did when trying to calm down and had got about half way when she became aware of the expensive car driving slowly along the road next to her. She didn’t need to see the driver’s sharp green eyes sparkling mischievously to know who it was so she resolutely didn’t look in his direction. Instead she glanced down and saw that there a lion cub pacing patiently alongside her on soft paws. She stopped - suddenly aware that everyone on the High Street was staring at her. 

“Come on wench, get in” said Jaime. “And give me back my lion.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the film Baby is a leopard. I have made Bright a lion because Lannisters. 
> 
> I don't have any idea whether lions are more or less tameable than leopards - maybe imagine that the Westerosi Lion is a smaller, more trainable variety.


	5. A Riverlands Roadtrip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne drive to Aunt Genna's.

The day was going excellently, thought Jaime. The beginning may have been a bit sticky with Tyrion’s delivery coming as rather a surprise but other than a tendency to claw his sofa the little cub was perfectly well behaved. He had perhaps been a bit naughty to let the wench think he was in danger but it was sweet of her to be so worried and to hurry over so quickly. And then like an idiot, Jaime had upset her and she went hurtling off again but it would take more than that to give him the slip. He had followed her down the stairs just seconds behind her and he always parked his car just in front of the building. But Bright was the really clever one - rather than get in the car with him she had immediately started following Brienne - and that had helped convince the wench. Obviously the lion felt as drawn to her as he did and now they were driving together to Aunt Genna and having a jolly nice time. Bright was settled comfortably in the back of the car and seemed content enough. Whenever she got restless they sang to her, as Tyrion had recommended - she really did seem to like the old traditional ballads. Brienne turned out to have a sweet clear voice and a good memory for the words although she had taken some persuading to let him hear her and she blushed delightfully whenever it was his turn and he sang one of the raunchier songs. Obviously it was a bit of a drag that the lion had a tendency to try to escape whenever the car came to a stop and poor Brienne had had to run after her through the forest, and then the swamp and then that old quarry place. She was all covered in dust and leaves and mud, the silly girl. He turned his head slightly to look at her out of the corner of his eye. She wasn’t what you would call pretty - not at all - but there was something extremely likeable about her face with her wide mouth, gap toothed smile and freckles. The lion had gone to sleep at last - probably exhausted by its last escape and attempt to catch a duck from that pond - so Brienne didn’t have to sing and instead was telling him about her research. He hadn’t realised that dragons were so interesting. She was demonstrating with her hands how dragons’ wingbones moved when they were flying - not in the same way as birds apparently but with more power and thrust. It was something to do with torque and he almost understood it. He would probably understand if she explained it again.

He hoped she wasn’t really going to get married. She hadn’t exactly said much about this fellow Hyle but Jaime had not formed a good impression of the man. And she was far more animated talking about old dragon bones than she was about her fiance. Something would have to be done about that. The direct approach hadn’t worked so well but Jaime could be stealthy. He wasn’t as stupid as some people thought he was. 

“I’m hungry” he said, “and you must be too. After we drop off Bright with Aunt Genna we should get some dinner. My treat - as a thank you for all your help.”

Brienne snorted. “I cannot go out for dinner like this. Look at me! No restaurant would even let me through the front door. I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.”

“You were dragged through a hedge backwards.”

“Exactly! And whose fault was that?” (It was Bright’s fault - and maybe hers for not listening to his excellent lion handling advice but Jaime knew better than to say so.) “Honestly, all I want is a lift to the train station so I can get back to Lannisport as soon as possible. I can get a sandwich or something on the train. There’s a lot to do this week and I am having the whole of Friday off so I need to get to work.”

“But what about Aunt Genna? You need to charm her for her millions. Get her dragons for your dragons. Come on. You can have a shower at the house and I am sure we can find you some clothes to wear. Meet Aunt Genna, tell her all about your zoological museum and then we’ll go for dinner. If you get the fast train you’ll be back in Lannisport before midnight.” 

Brienne looked doubtful but nodded. She was quiet for the rest of the journey, nervously rubbing at the mud stains on her trousers and combing her fingers through the squirrel’s nest of her hair.   
It was not far to the turning for the long driveway down to New Darry Manor. As usual Jaime was able to drive the car straight into the enormous stable block. “We’re here” he said. “Come on wench. Help me with the lion.” Opening the back door he began to sing “Six Maids in a Pool” Luckily Bright was feeling co-operative and walked curiously into one of the loose boxes with no fuss. Jaime quickly shut the door and turned back to Brienne who was slightly confused.

“Where are we?”. 

“This used to be the stables. But then one day my cousin Cleos fell off his horse and was dragged along the ground. Fractured his skull in three places, was in a coma for six months. Genna sold all her horses. Stables are empty now. Well empty of horses. All kinds of other stuff ends up here. But it's convenient for the lion.”

“Oh” said Brienne. “Is he all right now, your cousin?”

“Hard to tell really. Cleos was never the sharpest of knives even before that. But he seems happy enough.”

“It's very big,” she said. She looked almost sick with nerves. “Are you sure your aunt won’t mind.”

“Genna is very rich,” he told her. “That is after all the whole point. How else would she be able to give you a million dragons? Come in and we’ll find a bathroom” Brienne nodded, made a visible effort to gather her courage and followed him along the side of the house. The entry code for the back door was still the same as ever - a combination of the birthdays of Genna’s four sons. 

They managed to get upstairs without coming across anyone and Jaime showed Brienne into the one of the rooms Genna kept for her many nieces and nephews. “There’s a bathroom just through there so you can have a shower.” 

He waited outside until he heard the water running then crept in. Predictably the wench had folded her clothes into a neat pile on the chair. Jaime bundled them into his arms and crept out of the room again. He took them down to the kitchen to find Pia - the housekeeper and an old ally of his - and asked her to wash them. He amused himself by picturing Brienne in one of Cersei’s silken dressing gowns - there was one hanging on the bathroom door - but he doubted she would find any other clothes that fit. So that would slow her down a bit until he thought of some other excuse to keep her with him. 

Pia took the clothes and promised to have them back soon but he told her not to rush. He waved through the window to Aunt Genna who was in the garden as usual. She waved in return and started back to the house. Before then however Brienne rushed into the room - her thin hair dripping wet down her back. She was indeed dressed in Cersei’s silk kimono. It was absurdly short on her - coming only a fraction of the way down her long thick white thighs and barely covering the broad expanse of her chest. She was clutching the front of it together but the fabric was stretched thin and outlined the pointy little buds of her breasts. She was obviously furious. 

“Jaime, where are my clothes?” she demanded. “Why did you take them? Stop messing around. I’ve got to get to Lannisport.” 

Just then Aunt Genna came through the door. Brienne’s eyes widened in panic and she turned and ran back upstairs. 

“Whoever was that?” demanded Genna. Jaime was looking at the empty doorway through which Brienne had fled and wondering what to do next so he wasn’t really thinking when he opened his mouth and replied:  
“That’s the woman I am going to marry. She just doesn’t know it yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes - in this fanfic Cleos lives. (In fact Genna's other son Tion also lives.) And Jaime gets to see Brienne in one of Cersei's silken gowns just as he imagines.

**Author's Note:**

> In the film, the Jaime/Katherine Hepburn character accidentally steals Cary Grant's car. Cars were obviously much easier to steal in those days.  
> But I have read so very many brilliant fics where Jaime or Brienne rides a bike that this seemed the obvious choice.  
> As you can tell I know absolutely nothing about golf, motorbikes, museums or dinosaurs. Lets hope it doesn't matter too much.


End file.
